Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
