I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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