No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
