Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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