And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
