We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
