I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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