i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
