the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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