You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
