Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
