So drunk its hurt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
