If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
