Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
