When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
