So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When are your genitals available?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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