Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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