Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
