if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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