Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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