Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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