I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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