Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That reminds me...we need to get swords
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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