I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize