On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
