Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
