A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
