is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
