To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
