Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
