who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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