Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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