Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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