I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
