just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
