he was CRYING into my vagina
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
