I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
