there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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