Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
