Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
