Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I just went to clothing optional bar