quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
