when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.