The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.