I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
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This gyro tastes like lonliness
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT