i only shaved half my leg
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell