His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
