She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
