Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
