he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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