you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
