WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
