Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
