OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
