I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
