Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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