so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My nipple is on Facebook.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
