I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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