i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
