After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
