U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
