The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
