she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
