it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Watching her eat just hurts me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
