I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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