First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
