I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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