you guys were way drunker than both of me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
