U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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