Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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